So Long, My Luckless Romance
by erzahler
Summary: One-shot: It would just never be.


I was feeling a little down today for no particular reason and I ended up writing this. I know it isn't very good as I only spent a few hours on it, but I'm still going to shamelessly publish this. Teehee.

I'm sure avid fans of Bleach will know who the characters are without having to divulge. :)

Disclaimers: The magnificence that is Bleach, all belongs to Tite Kubo. And of course, the title is a line from A Fine Frenzy's "Almost Lover" (now maybe that's why I was so sad, listening to that song so early in the morning!).

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><p><strong>So Long, My Luckless Romance<strong>

The moon had come out early that evening and its pale blue light was shining faintly through the flimsy curtains that hung at the open windows of the tiny bedroom. Soft music was drifting lazily through from next door and save for the occasional vehicle passing by, it was relatively quiet.

It was much too early to be in bed yet there she was laying straight on her back with long, flowing hair spread out over the pillow and eyes staring blankly at the cream-colored ceiling.

_It would never be. It would just never be._

During the day, people could not have guessed. The brave front she put up, the bright smile she wore had them fooled and the joyous, ringing laughter drowned out the sound of her breaking heart. They would never know. Her nights, however, were a different story. Five months after the blow and she was still reeling, trying desperately to find the balance that eluded her so.

A chill breeze that crept through the open window sent her turning to her side, arms hugging herself tightly as if to squeeze out the coldness in her that had nothing to do with the chilly evening air.

_He was everything she had ever wanted._

She would not cry tonight. It was a while now since she last shed any tears, ever since she realized it was utterly futile. Whoever said that crying made you feel better was a fool. They 'd probably never been in love, she concluded.

A brief sigh escaped her lips, remembering the many sleepless nights she'd spent, asking herself over and over: When will it get better? There was never an answer. There was only silence, and the dull thump of her heart that still insisted on beating.

_For many years she loved him from afar._

Just being around him brought her joy. It was indescribable. And the rush of fighting beside him sent her heart soaring. Of course there were moments of doubt, times when she felt useless, a burden even. Yet her friends were always around to cheer her on and to reassure her that she was important to him.

The mere thought of him needing her was enough to sustain her. Never mind that he didn't seem to hold any semblance of romantic feelings for her. He needed her. And for a while that was enough.

_The confession was a long time coming._

Eventually, she'd plucked up enough courage to let him know. With much urging from her friends, she chose to finally confess to him on the day of their high school graduation.

She spotted him easily among the throng of people, standing tall and serene with his family gathered beside him. Her heart was pounding and she held a hand against her chest just in case it would leap right through. As she approached them, he saw her and a tiny smile crept across his face. She felt her heart miss a few beats.

_In the darkness, all she could see were his eyes._

The classroom was empty and silent, except for the sound of the ticking clock that seemed to grow louder and louder in her ears as the seconds went by. His head was hung low. He dared not look her in the eye, as if not looking at her could stop her heart from breaking any further.

But it was too late. The million pieces of her heart were scattered around her feet like shards of a broken mirror. The scene replayed in her mind, a vicious loop that had her head spinning: His rueful smile, as he uttered the word "sorry" and proceeded to explain why it would just never be.

_Free-falling._

She refused to let him see her cry. All those years of making herself stronger for him paid off in that moment. Her smile was bright as she held up an OK sign with her fingers. It was fine, she lied to him, her voice not even faltering.

She didn't see the surprise etched on his face as he looked up. By that time she was already halfway out the door, still holding up the OK sign over her shoulder. She managed to reach the school gate on steady feet, but in a second everything gave way.

_Love is such a silly, silly thing._

For weeks and weeks on end she was inconsolable. The suffocating feeling of having her first great love reject her was too much to bear. Shutting herself off from the world, she refused to speak to any of her friends. Not even he could break through to her.

He came to her apartment a number of times. Trying to apologize, trying to make amends. But what good would talking do? She refused him every time. Pretending not to hear him, pretending not to care, pretending not to be home even when she knew he could feel her presence anyway.

_Regaining her senses would take a while._

College could not have come sooner and she was left with no choice but to stand up again. He was far away now, studying at a large university in the city. Her friends had respected her wishes and granted her the time alone to gather up the pieces of herself that were left strewn on the floor.

The first day went without a glitch. Not a word was spoken about the events of the past few months. She was her usual bubbly self, smiling and laughing, pretending that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Yes, everyone expected her to be the ditzy airhead and that was exactly what she was going to be. Now all she had to do was keep this up for the rest of her life.

_She believed it would always be him._

Resting on her back again, she stretched out her arms and breathed in heavily. Those were all memories now. Maybe not so distant and maybe still a little fresh, but they were all just memories now.

Looking back, she should have known. All those years ago, she should have realized he would never love her the way she wanted. His eyes would never light up the way hers did every time she would see him. His smile would never be as wide or bright as her own foolish grin every time she would talk to him. His chuckle would never be as loud as her boisterous laughter during all those times they were together.

It would just never be.

In the darkness, a small smile played at her lips as she managed to think that maybe this time, just maybe, she might finally be able to accept it.

So tonight it was not a question, it was a declaration.

_Tomorrow it will be better._

**The end.**

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><p>For now, this is a one-shot. But I may turn it into a two-shot if heaven allows. Maybe one of these days. :)<p> 


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